How To Make Remembering People’s Names Your Superpower
Prepare to be the most memorable person in the room with this life-changing skill
In April 2020 the Queen of England gave a moving speech titled “We Will Meet Again.” It was as inspiring as it was poignant, serving as a reminder that the value of connecting with people has become more profound than ever, particularly in tough times.
Against that backdrop, it is my privilege to share a story that has paid dividends for me for over a decade. I am encouraged to pay it forward because if it can help you to become a better version of yourself, as it has for me, it will be a worthwhile investment of time.
There has never been a more opportune time to be developing skills that will be even more relevant ‘post-Covid’.
My recommendation is based on this simple truism:
“The sweetest sound to someone is their own name.”
Why is it, then, that so many people admit to ‘struggling with names’?
Full disclosure — I used to be one of them.
That was until I learned a simple memory trick which is so powerful that I haven’t forgotten a name since.
Pay It Forward
In 5 minutes you can acquire a skill that will pay you back for 5 decades because if you fix your forgetfulness, you will experience benefits that last a lifetime.
After all — when it comes to building lasting relationships — there is one basic rule of survival: remember the other person’s name.
It’s that simple.
Why care?
Think about it — have you ever developed a connection with someone whose name you didn’t know?
The higher you climb the more significant this becomes, especially when you’ll be encountering a greater number of people. There is an overriding reason for this:
“People will forget what you did
People will forget what you said
But they will never forget how you made them feel.”
Life’s not a rehearsal. There are no second acts or magic makeovers.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
I learnt this the hard way when I worked in international sales. My travelling schedule involved meeting an average of 15 new people every day, typically in Scandinavia and Eastern Europe. To say it was tough to remember everyone’s name would be an understatement, especially given the variety of foreign languages I encountered.
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care
I once called a client by the wrong name during lunch. Even worse than the cringe-worthy silence that followed was the look she gave me which said ‘you don’t care.’ That could not have been further from the truth! But it didn’t matter. The damage was done.
How would you feel if that happened when you were meeting someone you were trying to build credibility with or wanted to influence? You might never get over it.
Turning point
Lesson learned. Rapport can take a long time to build but takes no time at all to lose.
I vowed I would never let that happen again.
But how?
I needed a solution. I needed structure.
And here it is — a way to fix your forgetfulness for life.
Read and retain this simple mnemonic: BE SUAVE
Breaking this down can fundamentally upgrade your relationships and your life more broadly.
Belief
Your beliefs become your thoughts and your thoughts become your actions.
You must therefore believe you can ‘Be Suave’.
Being suave means getting the basics right. This is critical because how you do one thing is how you do everything.
Exercise
Practice means progress — provided that you practice correctly.
Remember that the BE SUAVE aide memoire empowers you to practice properly by giving you the perfect structure to remembers everyone’s name.
Say it
Get their name correct from the beginning — repeat it back to the person as soon as they’ve told you. You can incorporate it in to a question to keep the conversation flowing — “good to meet you, Cedric, where have you travelled from today?”
Use the name
Use it — but do not abuse it!
This involves common sense. 2–4 times per conversation is usually ideal. Name dropping in every sentence clearly isn’t.
Ask about the name
Remember most people’s favourite subject is not travelling, business or politics— it is themselves.
Examples include: that’s an interesting name, how do you spell it? Where’s it from? Does it mean something in another language?
Visualise
We remember what we see. You can leverage this dynamic to turn names in to a picture.
If you meet a Mike — picture him holding a microphone.
How about Melanie? She’s carrying a melon.
You get the picture.
End
Finish on a high — bid people farewell with a smile and end the conversation using their name.
One day you’ll just be a memory to people. Do your best to be a good one
If you can be suave enough to leave a room by saying goodbye to everyone on first name terms — you’ll be the most memorable person in that room and the bond you share with those people will stand the test of time.
The world’s top performers know that you need to get the basics right before you can accelerate your success. When it comes to making a connection — an ability that will be even more indispensable in the world that will emerge after Covid — learning the other person’s name is a basic skill that you simply must get right.
Remember to Be Suave — after all…
“The sweetest sound to someone is their own name.”
