How To Write Your Best Groom’s Speech
7 Simple No B.S. Steps to Prepare For A Key Life Moment
“I wish for this to be the first of many best days of your life.”
So you’ve proposed. She said ‘Yes’ (or the other way around!)
Your family and friends are delighted.
Everyone seemingly uses the news as an excuse to celebrate with you (like you ever needed an excuse!)
You’ve been surfing a tidal wave of champagne.
And yet, whenever you get a quiet moment, there’s a question that rattles around your head…
How am I going to write the perfect speech?
The truth is: it will continue to rattle around until you find an answer you’re satisfied with.
I’ve been there.
And I wish I knew then what I know now.
This short article aims to give you the benefit of my hindsight by doing 3 things:
- Help you to see your challenge from a new perspective — and turn any fears into having fun
- Loan you some of my hard-fought guidance and advice — so that you can finish writing your speech quickly and enjoy the rest of the build-up to your wedding
- Give you 7 simple, actionable steps that you can start on immediately
Disclaimer: this article is not coming from a place of me having all of the answers. I don’t know you or any of your nearest and dearest. However, various roles have demanded I deliver many speeches over the years (most recently my own groom’s speech in front of 160 people) and I’ve brushed shoulders with some phenomenally strong speakers, both in business and at Toastmasters, for several decades.
Here are the best bits for any man planning to get married.
It’s a shortcut to writing your best speech, broken down in to 3 stages — preparing, practicing and performing.
1. The Preparation Stage
“I keep six honest serving men (they taught me all I knew); Theirs names are What and Why and When And How And Where and Who.” Rudyard Kipling
This is a great starting point to generate ideas for your speech.
Action 1: write each of the six down the left hand side of the page. Take a few moments to answer the basics. Here are some examples to help get your creative juices flowing.
What are you most excited about? What do you love about your partner? What do they do that most makes you laugh or cringe? What are the things you most agree or disagree on?
Why is this so important to you and why are you looking forward to spending the rest of your life with this person?
When is your speech? Perhaps after the entrance of the bride & groom and after your guests have had some food? Ideally they’ll have something in their stomachs — the last thing you want is hungry guests just wishing you’d hurry up so they can eat! Liaise with your planner, MC, or whomever oversees timings to make sure this occurs at the best point.
How did you meet? How do you music or food tastes differ?
Where did you spend time getting to know each other? Where did you first meet close friends and parents? Where did that journey take you?
Who do you want to thank?
Generating Ideas
The best advice I received here was to start early and capture ideas often.
Keep a list.
Do not leave it until the last minute — that’s when speech writing becomes stressful and people rarely produce their best when they’re stressed.
I had a note on my phone where I was constantly capturing and striving to refine the ideas into a coherent narrative.
A friend of mine carries around a small deck of cue cards (slightly bigger than a playing card) so he can physically write ideas whenever they occur to him.
Find the method that works for you and do it — consistently.
Action 2: Decide on your structure
All good stories have a beginning, a middle and an end.
Think about what you want in your opening gambit vs. the ‘meat’ in the middle vs. the final segment.
Sneak peak: here’s an example of a ‘beginning’, taken from a real speech
“Let’s start on a high-
Please, will you make some noise…. For my beautiful wife!
[Pause for rapturous applause and cheering]
For my speech I’ve only really got 2 things to do:
Firstly, share the short story of how we got here
Secondly, create some time and space to say thank you”
This primed the audience by telling them what they were going to be told.
How might you include an attention grabber so that your audience are more likely to actually listen to what you’re saying after the first 10 seconds?
Whatever you do — say “thank you”
To give you a staring point, I have provided the key examples of people you need to thank, and denoted pauses with a [P] — I learnt this from a prominent speaker who used this marker as a prompt in his notes (until it became second nature) as he would say to me “do not underestimate the power of pause throughout your speech” in order to:
- Let the audience register what you’ve said and smile / laugh (some people take longer than others to ‘get it’!)
- Catch your breath and smile
- Punctuate different sections and demonstrate control over the whole speech
This is not an exhaustive list but gives you a reference point:
1. To all of you for coming to celebrate with us — And you’ve come from not just from all over the country — From A to B, X to Y… you’ve come from all over the world — from San Francisco to France. Thailand to Peru!
2. Thanks to the whole team here at <insert your venue> for setting the scene for us
3. I’d also like to thank Mastercard and American Express [P]
We will be forever in your debt! [P]
4. Thank you to our families for your unwavering support [P]
5. To our parents — we cannot thank you enough — none of this would have been possible without you… (quite literally) [P]
6. To our friends — we love you dearly
7. Any special mentions, such as people who performed a reading or played music for you
8. To our Ushers / Groomsmen. The MC. Best Man or Men
9. The Bridesmaids
10. Your wife! For saying ‘yes’… how incredible she looks… for all the good times…and all that’s to come
Take your pick.
Whatever your chosen content…the next steps involve writing it down and practicing.
Action 3: write it down.
This action is as simple as it is profound.
It is an investment of time that will give you an immense return.
If you prefer to type it out first, it is still encouraged to put pen to paper if you want to wire it in to your brain for a more natural delivery — would you prefer to be reading word-for-word from a script or have it memorised for a smooth, authentic delivery where you can enjoy it more?
2. The Practicing Stage
Action 4: Read it
It sounds obvious but do not underestimate the power of reading your speech aloud — several times — before the big day.
Things sound different out loud than they read on paper — you may want to make some adjustments after you’ve read it and got comfortable with yourself saying those words.
This is why I recommend recording yourself to remove doubt.
Action 5: Record it
People can find it painful listening to themselves back.
Just do it.
Far better to do that beforehand and iron out any creases than for it to be painful for your audience on the happiest day of your life!
This can seem strange at first. Think about it- how many times do you give a once-in-a-lifetime speech! It’s natural that it’s unusual.
It’s your job to make the most of it therefore my recommendation is that you respect the process.
If you’ve never recorded yourself for any other speech — be it a presentation at work, at an awards ceremony, talking to your kid’s sports team, or something else entirely — it dramatically increases your ability to execute your speech in a cool, calm and collected manner.
This step also helps you to time yourself.
The optimum wedding speech length is recognised to be 5–7 minutes in duration.
Research shows the average wedding speech is 120–150 words per minute (National Center for Voice and Speech)
This means you should be aiming for 600–1000 words maximum.
Think about when you’ve been a guest — do you want a short, sincere speech or a long one that drones on!?
Only a fool breaks the 10 minute rule! See this as an upper limit not a target.
3. The Performing Stage
Action 6: Remember what matters most
Remember that your speech isn’t about you (the best man will take care of that!)
Your speech is about everyone else in the room — your wife, your family and friends, all the people you need to thank.
Therefore it’s best to harness empathy.
Remember there are at least 2 other speeches (at most weddings) — the Father of the Bride and the Best Man or Men.
Some people will inevitably be thinking about other things…
What time is the next course? (If it’s the first remember that you are standing between them and a meal meaning they are likely to be hungry and less likely to pay attention, especially after the drinks have been flowing!)
When will I be able to get up and go to the toilet?
At what point are we hitting the dance floor?
The list of questions on your guests minds is endless!
My recommendation is to keep your speech clipped by only including the most valuable material.
Get up, do your thing, make people happy, then move on decisively before they get bored.
That way they’re far more likely to say what a great speech it was!
Would you rather have them wishing you’d hurry up and get off the mic, or leave them wanting more?
Action 7: perhaps most important of all — relax and enjoy it.
You only get to do this once (here’s hoping!)
You’ve been disciplined enough to follow the 6 actions in this simple guide which means you’re well prepared.
Now it’s on you to make the most of it.
Remember those brilliant words from Oscar Wilde:
“Some people spread happiness wherever they go — other whenever they go”
Do your best to stay out of the latter camp.
Do you want to look back on your speech as a bag of nerves and a desire for it to end as soon as possible? Or as someone who was cool under pressure, enjoying themselves, doing their wife, family and friends proud?
If this is something you struggle with there are some high-quality reference materials here to help you get — and remain — in the habit of being cool.
If you don’t dedicate a bit of time and effort (it really doesn’t take long each day) to developing confident communication skills — how can you be surprised when things don’t improve?
People love to progress and get better — especially when the occasion matters.
Ensure you’re creating the conditions for your own success.
So open a new document or pull out your paper and pen, and follow these simple steps for success.
Best of luck!
